i finally mustered up the courage to re-read Greg and my last emails. what a beautiful bunch of words.
i miss him so much! every single day he is with me in my thoughts and my heart.
i've been making a point of rejoicing and celebrating the memories we created and shared, the sadness is just too overwhelming. i know if i left this earth, and could secretly still see those who were left, i wouldn't want to see constant deep sadness. that shit drowns a soul. i would want to see smiles and tears, and i hope that the memories i left behind would inspire and bring light to those i loved.
most of the written submissions i've received here showed a general vibe of 'i don't understand, what happened?'
so i'm offering to anyone who is looking for some closure, a glimpse into Greg's world before he flew away.
here is greg and my last hearts-as-words exchange.
*************
Submitted Information:
Name
The Real TJ
Email
[email protected]
Comment
Hi!
Do you read the comments on your site.
Let me know if you do.
I like the updated version.
I want to spadoinkle with you.
G.
*****************
the conference on the conference
Inbox
x
G P <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Hey: I have been invited to participate in this conference. I like a lot of the ideas. Some of them, as my British Mancunian Grandfather (who was a coal deliivery man) would say seem a little "too high falutin" for me. What do you think?
The Conference On The Conference
Friday, March 4th, 2011
12:30 pm - Room 2270
Plenary Session
Commencements. Announcements. Acknowledgments. Itinerary...
1:30 pm - Room 4390
Panel 1/Invocation. Is it possible to proceed after this acknowledgement?
Chair: TBA
Respondent: Donato Mancini
Andreas Kahre
Director
Gabriola Institute of Contemporary Art
Typefacing: Imploding the Stance
In the context of a predominantly recursive culture, such as governs the conference, branding—and typeface selection in particular—functions as a key signifier that articulates both the premise and the outcome of the event, effectively replacing and obviating its physical performance. Reflecting —while to some extent also implicitly denying—the role of externalities such as material constraints, power relations, and especially the of the conference event as it articulates stance, typeface is deployed as both a normative assertion, and paradoxically, as a performative act which effectively implodes the conference, creating a space both hyperarticulated and contaminated, and as a result, we argue, mute.
______________________
(pages and pages of info on a conference on conferences were omitted here)
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to G
well, break it down like this
(break it down like this! like the hip hop quote...)
do you get paid or does it cost something up front,
what do you stand to gain other than knowledge
when is it/will it interrupt your life
and what the fuck is all this about?
confering about conferences about conferences
i didn't get to dig deep enough i am too tired
amazing grace some sound is sweet
i had some nice downtime just now
an island in this sea of pain
while yoga'ing slowly
i realized
something very important. like super amazing. get into that later
i wrote it down
then yoga'd some more
i got out party guitar
turned out all the lights
and me some candles
;pillows and my pj's
got reconnected with party guitar
it was a slow, country crawl
for an hour there
but i got it done
i have a few things i will tell you later
i'm too ahsidhgta;erg to do it correctly
not that's it's anything bad that i'm going to be
saying
i'm just a quirky perfectionist.
so yeah i'm bed bound as soon as roy deals with this internet email
transfer he is super rockin to do; happening now i presume. i'm
bonked. i almost wrote i'm bacon.
tell you more tomorrow, just simple insights re my therapy .... it
moves me forward greatly.
ok bank time
then bed
gnite
******************
ruthless wench; a free form poem written fresh from my hands with no censorship or understanding, for you so that you might.
Inbox
x
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to Gregory
ruthless wench
pretty stench
carved a stitch into my side
ow my pride
and blood collided
as she mirrored me
with a sigh
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
I just E-mailed you and then got this poem.
I think I like it.
I really wish I knew what it meant--how to take it.
There are so many interpretive possibilities that I'm confused, delighted, challenged, inspired and wowed at the same time.
Not to mention worried and/or ecstatic
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
fuck it...I'm sending you the passage from Chapter 6 of The Great Gatsby anyway...
The passage is narrated Nick Carraway (as you know, a carraway is a seed)
he is talking to Jay Gatsby (AKA Jay Gatz) about Gatsby's love for Daisy. Gatsby has been holding parties in hopes that Daisy will attend.When she does finally come to one of the parties, she doesn't enjoy it.
The scene is the early AM, the last words are the ends of the chapter:
_______________________________________________________
I sayed late that night, Gatsby asked me to wait until he was free, and I lingered int he garden until the inevitable wimmming party had run up, chilled and exalted, from the black beach, until the lights were extinguished in the guest-room overhead. When he came down the stops at last the tanned skin was drawn unusually tight on his face, and eyes were bright and tired.
"She didn't like it," he said immediately. [Gatsby speaking]
"Of course she did" [Nick Carraway, the narrator speaking]
"She didn't like it," he insisted. "She didn't have a good time."
He was silent, and I guessed at his unutterable depression.
"I feel far away from her, " he said. "it's hard to make her understand."
"You mean about the dance?"
"The dance?" He dismissed all the dances he had given with a snap of his fingers. "Old sport, the dance is unimportant."
"H wanted nothing less of Daisty than that she should go to Tom and say: "I never loved you." After she had obliterated four years with that sentnce they could decidee upon the more practical measures to be taken. One of them was that, after she was free, they to go back to Louisville and be married from her house--just as it was five years ago.
"And she doesn't understand," he said. "She hused to be able to udnerstand. We'd sit for hours---"
He broke off and began to walk up and down a desolate path of furitu rinds and discarded favours and crused flowers.
"I wouldn't ask too much of her," I ventured. "You can't repeat the past."
"Can't repeat the past?" he cried incredulously. "Why of course you can!"
He looked around wildly, as if the past were lurking here in the shadow of his house, just out of reach of his hand.
"I'm going to fix everything just the way it was before," he said determinedly. "She'll see."
He talked a lot about the past, and gathered that he wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and siordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that things was....
...One autumn night, five years before, they had been walking down the street when the leaves were falling, and they came to a place where there were no trees and the sidwalk was white with moonlight. They stopped here and turned toward each other. Now it was a cool night with that mysterious excitement in it which comes at the two changes of the year. The quiet lights in the houses were humming out into the darkness and there was a stir and bustle among the stars. Out of the corner of his eye Gatsby saw the blocks of the sidewalks really formed a ladder and mounted to a secret place above the trees--he could climb to it, if her climbed alone, and once there he could suck ont he pap of life, gulp down the incomparagble milk of wonder.
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
Gmail sent the message before I had a chance to edit it. Very strange. I would have taken some of it out. So you got the uncensored Gatsby passage transcription. I see it as a mirror of a situation...not my/our own but with some resonance...the moon-light is forever shining from the page--just waiting to be listened to, seen, felt, composed--endlessly generative...
here is the final paragraph of the Gatsby passage I meant to edit b4 sending you:
His heart beat faster and faster [molly] as Daisy's white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutteralbe visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips' touch the incarnation was complete. (112)
___________________________________________
something like a reflection in a convex mirror
I believe we can write and paint new realities
the incarnation is unfolding
I liked your poem
g
*******
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
un-sens-or
in orbit
round her golden hair
her glowing eyes
the cadences of delight
he knew
she knew
he thought
*******
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
yup, the poem was just what it was. often i write the words before the
comprehension, and just as often, i keep it, and find meaning in it.
so that was my GIFT to you
it was nothing other than edible words
and i rarely get to wax on like that
i'm all about minimal wind right now
ez lite talkin
to everyone and everything in general.
here is a link to a poem i wrote today.
i got a package from NIcole, with fancy fun paper in it.
there was a sharpie fine tip nearby.
i put the fancy paper on the living room table
which is smashed glass in'tween two sheets of regular glass
the xmas lites were shining through the paper
it looked like the paper was broken.
so i started doodling the broken glass lines
and then i wrote this
i found out what i was about after the fact.
you can if you want to, next email. here's the link....
second poem in
http://fastmolly.weebly.com/fast-molly-words.html
*****
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
did you write that?
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
that was awesome thanks for the book excerpt.
it needed it's own email reply.
i TOTALLY have read that authors words before.
i don't know who it is.
i know it sounds like the garp guy.
****************
the poem i wrote about glass, aforementioned link,
is about justin and nicole's relationship
and his greedy breaky ways
that he doesn't even know are there.
PMS PSM PMS PSM PJS pjs.
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Hey G:
I'm at work so I'll read the poem when I get home.
The word were by F. Scott Fitzgerald from The Great Gatsby.
You are the only person who writes poems with such wonderful articulation and such a spirit of articulation.
Cupid's arrow has pierced me.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Greg
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
oh it's love day today is it? i wish you a happy healthy heart, good sir!
thanks for reading and liking my poems
having you to read them
helps me write them
re author i've only heard of him thru you.
i'll look it up sometime
re cupid's arrow, make sure it's not just you stepping on a needle
or sitting on something sharp.
I think you are placing unrealistic attention on my heart and person
hear me out
you are idealizing me
and it's easy to do when you keep some distance
so i don't take you (as) seriously
and in my shoes over here, size 8 etc,
think of how i feel.
(take this time to think what it's like to be me talking to you)
(and a little longer)
okay...
i place people before all else; meaning i care about the person before
i care about
being in love.
all in all it's important then to take how you feel seriously
and then how i feel
and then find some happy ground.
see you are in love with the idea of me, and i get that,
but just love on it's own, doesn't it trump all? meaning, if you are
in love with me
you should try just loving me first human to human (with no in- lovey
dovey stuff)
and MOST IMPORTANTLY
you should be loving yourself daily (look in a mirror, look in your eyes, smile)
doing things for yourself that you would love to do for me.
*******************8
]
i feel like this is a big messy letter, kinda lack-o-focus ee
yeah i'll regroup and get back to ya
GREGORY PAAAAAAAALACONOURIS, HAPPY HEART DAY!
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Monday, February 14, 2011
Hi Georgina;
I'm at SFU. Despite being pierced n all I decided I would try and get as much done as possible. I agree with what you say. Not just for you--for me too.
--I've printed up my tuition tax form, printed up the other tax forms, printed up the adjust forms, contacted the CRA to get some instructions.
--Went to Finlandia and got Greens+ and Unstoppable (an amino acid elixer, pretty amazing stuff).
--I'm down to one dex a day. From 11. Didn't take any extra on the weekend like I have done and done in the past. Never gonna again. Time to get off of all forms of amphetalizardzine. I intend to be completely off by my birthday (July 6).
--I have been to the gym twice with my Tai-Chi smoothy makin' herb smokin' friend Nick. I'd like to introduce you to Nick. I think you would like him--he's a fount of great knowledge. We went to the Burrard/Robson YMCA gym on Friday AM and the Dunbar community centre gym on Sunday. We are going to hit Kits on Tuesday and Mount Pleasant on Thursday. Some weights, some cardio, some stretching, some Tai-Chi. And breathing.
--Cleaned and organized my entire room. Threw out a bunch of stuff. Organizing job things. Did all my laundry. Cleaned up the kitchen for Robin and Sabrina. Am eatin' bannanas
--Have started looking for a new suitable, affordable place. I intend to move out of the Downtown East-side for the end of March.
--Getting paid this week. I intend to go shopping for new clothes. Maybe when you come to town you can go for a quick shop with me. I've usually had girlfriends to help with this--or been part of a scene where lookin' like you dont give a fuck is the thing to do--no longer there.
So like you say, step it up. In my own defence, and I'm not trying to excuse ma sloppiness, I packed in a rush b4 coming to visit and I can't keep a lot of clothes at Robin's as I'm not supposed to be living there.
--I would also like to buy a digital camera as it is time to start taking pictures again. I have no idea what a good cheap n best one would be. Maybe you could help with this too.
--Have you heard the track "Just my Imagination" by the Temptations? Covered by the Rolling Stones would like to buy you some clothes too....um....
2
I hope I didn't bore you with the shoe size 13 details of my life.
I do totally want to know you as a person and as a human being.
I sort of kind of yes I do know I think a little bit what you mean about idealization.
3
When I said the thing about "could've spent the rest of my life without you" I didn't really mean that as I have always been super-super struck by you ever since I met you.
Did I mention how beautiful you are?
And how much fun it is watching South Park with you? I love when you laugh.
More when I get home.
4
Howze things with the roomie? Wut is the weather like up there?
I (heart) G,
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
I'm glad to hear you're acheivements, no not boring.
I look forward to your emails.
Sure, I'd be ok with meeting Nick, right time and place etc.
Where are you moving to? Solo? What's your ideal place/what are you
looking for/how much?
I was going to offer to help you shop, although I'm not the best at
it. We'll make a plan, strategy etc. As long as you get started, you
know?
I was planning on coming Wednesday, for the weekend. however...
I'm rendered mostly useless until this pain stops, worst ever today!
(i don't want to complain, and i don't want to be babied, but this
hurts so much that keeping quiet will dull it's significance- wow! i
had my last 5 fillings done with no freezing. i can take pain, from my
cramps. i just had to say it really is doing a fine job of exceding my
expectations!)
so it' hard to think of life beyond today, with this ouch reminding
constantly i'm here and now.
Camera good. Very very good. You don't need much to get good shots, as
long as you know what you are doing basically. I will bring my latest
little hand me down nikon, so you can try and we can see what you need
etc. Shouldn't have to spend much. Leif has like 20 of them, totally
good ones too. maybe not 20, but i bet he'd give you one.
Heard the song, not by the stones tho.
Idealization is something i have to live with constantly. it's so
disappointing! and not rightly honest or honorable, when you break it
right the fuck down. for (example) me it bring a lack of trust, for
(example) you, it denies you trust and also misguides your heart.
thanks for the compliment. i'm barracaded in my room for the day.
nobody deserves to deal with what i would put out today! i'm so
uncomfortable. we'll leave it at that.
roommie good, he's 'seriously' considering moving to Guilan China. he
says they treated him like he was so fucken special there, it was
magical, and he could work teaching and so could i and make great
money.
my view? yes i have a new passport and can travel anywhere, as does he.
i'll wait till the glow wears off to gage the sitch better.
would i go? i'd certainly check it out.
probablility factor today of 27%
weather? i don't know, it's painy with scattered cramps here. it's
fucken gonna be bluddy out soon. i'm no weather lady. i just work
here.
i want to scream or get mad at something or someone kick
something..i'm confused cuz i should be mad or i don't know. but i'm
not inspired. so i'll go lay down.
later
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
btw re: lmr (little miss right)
don't search and bombard me with anything
growing something takes time
and all that jazz
and don't NOT let me know
ie let me know if you do have anything
re story, queries, but i'm in the very early stages
and don't want to be overwhelmed or weirded out
i do know that these things take more than me as well
FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKINNG RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRHHH
I'M IN PAIN. my face broke out majorly. i'm so bloated in can only
wear 1 type of pants
my skin hurts and just fffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
gotta go figure something out.
peace
out
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
I'd like to inspire you
somehow I feel what I feel to be inspiration
might bump into what sounds like excruciating pain
youch
as an aside from what sounds truly difficile (read "if men could menstruate" by gloria steinem. her thoughts on sex are ill-conceived--in my view--but that essay is good)
some other thought frames of reference:
--if you want a bunkmate in Gulian let me know
sounds like you'd rather be solo
(more on this in a moment)
--I plan to move into a place by myself similiar to what I had before in Burnaby--far from the DTES--near lots of trees
one bedroom with a deck/view/dishwasher--last place had a (small) pool which was good for the summer as well as
underground parkingand weight room...near a good grocery store with really pleasant walks just outside the door...
--Back to solo. I have had strange dreams (and waking visions) of you as a Miyazaki type princess/heroine (few of which I think, to his credit, are total idealizations) with numerous suitors who are flying by you in various forms of physical appearance(s), and other forms of communique (e-mail and all that).
a multi-hued hat of pastels and pixels and all manner of clouds are moving in a myriad of different directions....I have no idea what you are thinking in all this....but the suitors all are wearing outfits of various colours...their countenances register spectrums of attributes, values and down-falls
--My own soul walks amongst them. I guess I feel I have some things to offer you....beyond the ideal---but maybe in some ideal ways too...but really knowing is probably a good idea b4 knowing the real
As (Martin) Heidegger commented, "Being preceeds essence."
As my friend Aaron said, (whom you met) "Being happens."
2
Camera buying would be good. I think I'd prefer to buy a new camera just because I don't really want the crystal energy to be on the camera...altho I know Leif is all-good and all in the way things are and are....but new would be preferable--Plus, I can always return it if it didn't work properly.
BTW, did you know that Howl's Moving Castle is based on novel by Diana Wynne Jones? Have you ever read her work?
I read The World According to Garp by John Irving and liked it a lot. I also liked The Hotel New Hampshire.
It is no idealization to say that you are the only person I have ever met (including many a Ph.D. and Ph.D. student) who even knows the name "Irving".
23
My Aunts keep askin' how you are doing. They think you are the bees' knees. I haven't mentioned anything about the visit to them--as per your request--I just say "Fine. I think."
The building is leaking from several different places. Strange...y Aunts are women who don't get periods--although the estrogen they take stimulates that emotion bio-chemical response.....and the building is leaking. Your blood is moving. My own pulsates when I write to you or read your words.
More too say....I see there is a me-sage from you..
Going to read it and re-read your poem and listen to the rain fall...it sounded delightful lying next to you.
Greg
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Thanks for the advice. Hope you not feelin' bombardiered.
pax, outre
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
really gregory, you would be the first to know if i was!
and...
get ready for this...
what does that have to do with anything?
what am i trying to say...
you fret extra over these things
i will let you know if you have gone overboard, and i hope you would do
the same for me in any respect.
umm
what am i trying to say....
oh yeah, nosy me, recommnends that you spend that energy
(the fretting, the idealizing) on (at first till you get used to it)
shutting those lost feelings of little fear down
then once you've got that handled,
spend that nrg finetuning you for you.
i want to be eloquent
i want to be elaphant
i want to be element
heated with hot knives
blather
i want to be eloquent and not picking you apart
you are great the way you are
but i see that you would have a much more fulfilling life
if you (as you are) paying attentnion to you.
takes time to establish the habit
and then time to realize the fx it has on you.
and then,
you will be aware of a few essential things in your life
that need fine tuning
how do i say this
umm
this is my opionion,
not fact,
although i'm pretty intuitive and smart especially when i has nothing
to do with me.
so that being said
once you start the fine tuning (second stage)
and it becomes part of your life,
you will find a new love in your life.
it will be YOU.
and you feed that love
gradually
and well adjusted greg will be one hell of a light being
and just you wait and see what will come your way.
i don't know, but when you eliminate fear based thinking
and start actively loving yourself
things start getting good.
now i say this because i recognize the need in you for this
since i am experiencing it myself first hand.
what do i have to gain from this?
nothing it's all for you, i'm not trying to meddle
i genuinely think your life
will become sunny
er
and i do benefit,
cuz there's you as my friend
someone who actually listens to me.
******************
now once again,
our letters might over elate you
since i'm really liking this exchange
i don't have any other oulte like this.
and you've always kept me at arms length
so now we're becoming friends
which can be dizzying
where i'm involved
so please, as i will too do, go at this with proper intention
be aware of indulgent distractions overly distracting you
and let's build a solid friend foundation.
i feel so incommunicado today
;dosfigh;dflkgjs;dflgtjsd;flgkjfds;kljh;xdflhijae[pr'yujgh
so nutshell be aware this could lead you 'astray' (? ashtray? ask trey?)
resulting in not as good feelings.
for me, for our friendship, for you, try to be diligent with friendship building
ya
boa;sdlkgsdf;hlkshj;'arpeoai
e]dzsfX';b l,at
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
Greganouris
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
re: distance. You were always with Clark. maybe still are maybe. I dunno nuthin'.
This is my last message to you for a few hours as my head is swimming in you....as Rousseau writes, "reveries of the solitary walker". You'd like this text.
I can't/can stop thinking about you.
2
That said, I cannot this express enough. Your web-site is so incredible. I have read countless poems. Your words. literally, blow me away.I am stunned into at once oblique silence and then peaks and valleys of what I imagine to be your experiences...
The art; When I started taking acid/was working at an antaquarian bookstore at age 15 this is the art that I wanted to see...
...landslides up and down the age I am now this is the Art that I think is amazing. Academically, as such, I reminded of Jean-Michel Basquait, Andy Warhol, Roy Lichenstein, Hans Belmar, Ernst Fuchs, H..R. Geiger, Georgia O'Keefe, Brassai, Penny Arcade and so many more.
--the theoretical frameworks of Susan Sontag (On Photography), Roland Barthes (Roland Barthes on Roland Barthes), Jacques Derrida ("Structure, Sign and Play in the Human Discourses") and Homi K. Babha ("Signs Taken As Wonders") come to mind...
3
Moire-pattern amazingly your site reveals so much of yourself--your personality is utterly hypnotic and compelling...the represenations possess such great authenticity--and phantastic execution...I think I have always told you highly I value you your art...I am now in a state where my presence might help less than hurt...
your site: through this new communication revolution (the Internet--the cybernetic evolutionary meme-move from the Gutenberg Printing press--Indra's electronic net at once everywhere and nowhere....microtesimally finite and at the same time/space flux totally infinite)...
your site is like radiance emanating from your personality. wonderous. exploring it is like exploring your story. I long to hear all or as much as you wish to share....
4
The photogs of Robert and Matt (and maself) rock.
The boot in your photobucket collection is so fuckin' hot.
(Jolly) Roger and out,
Greg
P.S.--My student changed hours so I'm working 7-9 this evening. So it goes.
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
i've feared putting myself out there
feared exposure
feared showing how much i like to sparkle darkly
feared judgement
and now
i'm sharing
the reality that is my life.
it's (the site) still under construction
i put a fair bit of work into yesterday
updating formats and streamlining things.
(gotta fix spelling mistake in poem number 1...)
i really appreciate you reading and responding
you should do a weebly site for yourself, your writing,
your soon to be phoots, it's easy i can help you.
ttyl
i miss him so much! every single day he is with me in my thoughts and my heart.
i've been making a point of rejoicing and celebrating the memories we created and shared, the sadness is just too overwhelming. i know if i left this earth, and could secretly still see those who were left, i wouldn't want to see constant deep sadness. that shit drowns a soul. i would want to see smiles and tears, and i hope that the memories i left behind would inspire and bring light to those i loved.
most of the written submissions i've received here showed a general vibe of 'i don't understand, what happened?'
so i'm offering to anyone who is looking for some closure, a glimpse into Greg's world before he flew away.
here is greg and my last hearts-as-words exchange.
*************
Submitted Information:
Name
The Real TJ
[email protected]
Comment
Hi!
Do you read the comments on your site.
Let me know if you do.
I like the updated version.
I want to spadoinkle with you.
G.
*****************
the conference on the conference
Inbox
x
G P <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Hey: I have been invited to participate in this conference. I like a lot of the ideas. Some of them, as my British Mancunian Grandfather (who was a coal deliivery man) would say seem a little "too high falutin" for me. What do you think?
The Conference On The Conference
Friday, March 4th, 2011
12:30 pm - Room 2270
Plenary Session
Commencements. Announcements. Acknowledgments. Itinerary...
1:30 pm - Room 4390
Panel 1/Invocation. Is it possible to proceed after this acknowledgement?
Chair: TBA
Respondent: Donato Mancini
Andreas Kahre
Director
Gabriola Institute of Contemporary Art
Typefacing: Imploding the Stance
In the context of a predominantly recursive culture, such as governs the conference, branding—and typeface selection in particular—functions as a key signifier that articulates both the premise and the outcome of the event, effectively replacing and obviating its physical performance. Reflecting —while to some extent also implicitly denying—the role of externalities such as material constraints, power relations, and especially the of the conference event as it articulates stance, typeface is deployed as both a normative assertion, and paradoxically, as a performative act which effectively implodes the conference, creating a space both hyperarticulated and contaminated, and as a result, we argue, mute.
______________________
(pages and pages of info on a conference on conferences were omitted here)
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to G
well, break it down like this
(break it down like this! like the hip hop quote...)
do you get paid or does it cost something up front,
what do you stand to gain other than knowledge
when is it/will it interrupt your life
and what the fuck is all this about?
confering about conferences about conferences
i didn't get to dig deep enough i am too tired
amazing grace some sound is sweet
i had some nice downtime just now
an island in this sea of pain
while yoga'ing slowly
i realized
something very important. like super amazing. get into that later
i wrote it down
then yoga'd some more
i got out party guitar
turned out all the lights
and me some candles
;pillows and my pj's
got reconnected with party guitar
it was a slow, country crawl
for an hour there
but i got it done
i have a few things i will tell you later
i'm too ahsidhgta;erg to do it correctly
not that's it's anything bad that i'm going to be
saying
i'm just a quirky perfectionist.
so yeah i'm bed bound as soon as roy deals with this internet email
transfer he is super rockin to do; happening now i presume. i'm
bonked. i almost wrote i'm bacon.
tell you more tomorrow, just simple insights re my therapy .... it
moves me forward greatly.
ok bank time
then bed
gnite
******************
ruthless wench; a free form poem written fresh from my hands with no censorship or understanding, for you so that you might.
Inbox
x
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to Gregory
ruthless wench
pretty stench
carved a stitch into my side
ow my pride
and blood collided
as she mirrored me
with a sigh
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
I just E-mailed you and then got this poem.
I think I like it.
I really wish I knew what it meant--how to take it.
There are so many interpretive possibilities that I'm confused, delighted, challenged, inspired and wowed at the same time.
Not to mention worried and/or ecstatic
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
fuck it...I'm sending you the passage from Chapter 6 of The Great Gatsby anyway...
The passage is narrated Nick Carraway (as you know, a carraway is a seed)
he is talking to Jay Gatsby (AKA Jay Gatz) about Gatsby's love for Daisy. Gatsby has been holding parties in hopes that Daisy will attend.When she does finally come to one of the parties, she doesn't enjoy it.
The scene is the early AM, the last words are the ends of the chapter:
_______________________________________________________
I sayed late that night, Gatsby asked me to wait until he was free, and I lingered int he garden until the inevitable wimmming party had run up, chilled and exalted, from the black beach, until the lights were extinguished in the guest-room overhead. When he came down the stops at last the tanned skin was drawn unusually tight on his face, and eyes were bright and tired.
"She didn't like it," he said immediately. [Gatsby speaking]
"Of course she did" [Nick Carraway, the narrator speaking]
"She didn't like it," he insisted. "She didn't have a good time."
He was silent, and I guessed at his unutterable depression.
"I feel far away from her, " he said. "it's hard to make her understand."
"You mean about the dance?"
"The dance?" He dismissed all the dances he had given with a snap of his fingers. "Old sport, the dance is unimportant."
"H wanted nothing less of Daisty than that she should go to Tom and say: "I never loved you." After she had obliterated four years with that sentnce they could decidee upon the more practical measures to be taken. One of them was that, after she was free, they to go back to Louisville and be married from her house--just as it was five years ago.
"And she doesn't understand," he said. "She hused to be able to udnerstand. We'd sit for hours---"
He broke off and began to walk up and down a desolate path of furitu rinds and discarded favours and crused flowers.
"I wouldn't ask too much of her," I ventured. "You can't repeat the past."
"Can't repeat the past?" he cried incredulously. "Why of course you can!"
He looked around wildly, as if the past were lurking here in the shadow of his house, just out of reach of his hand.
"I'm going to fix everything just the way it was before," he said determinedly. "She'll see."
He talked a lot about the past, and gathered that he wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and siordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that things was....
...One autumn night, five years before, they had been walking down the street when the leaves were falling, and they came to a place where there were no trees and the sidwalk was white with moonlight. They stopped here and turned toward each other. Now it was a cool night with that mysterious excitement in it which comes at the two changes of the year. The quiet lights in the houses were humming out into the darkness and there was a stir and bustle among the stars. Out of the corner of his eye Gatsby saw the blocks of the sidewalks really formed a ladder and mounted to a secret place above the trees--he could climb to it, if her climbed alone, and once there he could suck ont he pap of life, gulp down the incomparagble milk of wonder.
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
Gmail sent the message before I had a chance to edit it. Very strange. I would have taken some of it out. So you got the uncensored Gatsby passage transcription. I see it as a mirror of a situation...not my/our own but with some resonance...the moon-light is forever shining from the page--just waiting to be listened to, seen, felt, composed--endlessly generative...
here is the final paragraph of the Gatsby passage I meant to edit b4 sending you:
His heart beat faster and faster [molly] as Daisy's white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutteralbe visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips' touch the incarnation was complete. (112)
___________________________________________
something like a reflection in a convex mirror
I believe we can write and paint new realities
the incarnation is unfolding
I liked your poem
g
*******
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/12/11
to me
un-sens-or
in orbit
round her golden hair
her glowing eyes
the cadences of delight
he knew
she knew
he thought
*******
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
yup, the poem was just what it was. often i write the words before the
comprehension, and just as often, i keep it, and find meaning in it.
so that was my GIFT to you
it was nothing other than edible words
and i rarely get to wax on like that
i'm all about minimal wind right now
ez lite talkin
to everyone and everything in general.
here is a link to a poem i wrote today.
i got a package from NIcole, with fancy fun paper in it.
there was a sharpie fine tip nearby.
i put the fancy paper on the living room table
which is smashed glass in'tween two sheets of regular glass
the xmas lites were shining through the paper
it looked like the paper was broken.
so i started doodling the broken glass lines
and then i wrote this
i found out what i was about after the fact.
you can if you want to, next email. here's the link....
second poem in
http://fastmolly.weebly.com/fast-molly-words.html
*****
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
did you write that?
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
that was awesome thanks for the book excerpt.
it needed it's own email reply.
i TOTALLY have read that authors words before.
i don't know who it is.
i know it sounds like the garp guy.
****************
the poem i wrote about glass, aforementioned link,
is about justin and nicole's relationship
and his greedy breaky ways
that he doesn't even know are there.
PMS PSM PMS PSM PJS pjs.
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Hey G:
I'm at work so I'll read the poem when I get home.
The word were by F. Scott Fitzgerald from The Great Gatsby.
You are the only person who writes poems with such wonderful articulation and such a spirit of articulation.
Cupid's arrow has pierced me.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Greg
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
oh it's love day today is it? i wish you a happy healthy heart, good sir!
thanks for reading and liking my poems
having you to read them
helps me write them
re author i've only heard of him thru you.
i'll look it up sometime
re cupid's arrow, make sure it's not just you stepping on a needle
or sitting on something sharp.
I think you are placing unrealistic attention on my heart and person
hear me out
you are idealizing me
and it's easy to do when you keep some distance
so i don't take you (as) seriously
and in my shoes over here, size 8 etc,
think of how i feel.
(take this time to think what it's like to be me talking to you)
(and a little longer)
okay...
i place people before all else; meaning i care about the person before
i care about
being in love.
all in all it's important then to take how you feel seriously
and then how i feel
and then find some happy ground.
see you are in love with the idea of me, and i get that,
but just love on it's own, doesn't it trump all? meaning, if you are
in love with me
you should try just loving me first human to human (with no in- lovey
dovey stuff)
and MOST IMPORTANTLY
you should be loving yourself daily (look in a mirror, look in your eyes, smile)
doing things for yourself that you would love to do for me.
*******************8
]
i feel like this is a big messy letter, kinda lack-o-focus ee
yeah i'll regroup and get back to ya
GREGORY PAAAAAAAALACONOURIS, HAPPY HEART DAY!
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Monday, February 14, 2011
Hi Georgina;
I'm at SFU. Despite being pierced n all I decided I would try and get as much done as possible. I agree with what you say. Not just for you--for me too.
--I've printed up my tuition tax form, printed up the other tax forms, printed up the adjust forms, contacted the CRA to get some instructions.
--Went to Finlandia and got Greens+ and Unstoppable (an amino acid elixer, pretty amazing stuff).
--I'm down to one dex a day. From 11. Didn't take any extra on the weekend like I have done and done in the past. Never gonna again. Time to get off of all forms of amphetalizardzine. I intend to be completely off by my birthday (July 6).
--I have been to the gym twice with my Tai-Chi smoothy makin' herb smokin' friend Nick. I'd like to introduce you to Nick. I think you would like him--he's a fount of great knowledge. We went to the Burrard/Robson YMCA gym on Friday AM and the Dunbar community centre gym on Sunday. We are going to hit Kits on Tuesday and Mount Pleasant on Thursday. Some weights, some cardio, some stretching, some Tai-Chi. And breathing.
--Cleaned and organized my entire room. Threw out a bunch of stuff. Organizing job things. Did all my laundry. Cleaned up the kitchen for Robin and Sabrina. Am eatin' bannanas
--Have started looking for a new suitable, affordable place. I intend to move out of the Downtown East-side for the end of March.
--Getting paid this week. I intend to go shopping for new clothes. Maybe when you come to town you can go for a quick shop with me. I've usually had girlfriends to help with this--or been part of a scene where lookin' like you dont give a fuck is the thing to do--no longer there.
So like you say, step it up. In my own defence, and I'm not trying to excuse ma sloppiness, I packed in a rush b4 coming to visit and I can't keep a lot of clothes at Robin's as I'm not supposed to be living there.
--I would also like to buy a digital camera as it is time to start taking pictures again. I have no idea what a good cheap n best one would be. Maybe you could help with this too.
--Have you heard the track "Just my Imagination" by the Temptations? Covered by the Rolling Stones would like to buy you some clothes too....um....
2
I hope I didn't bore you with the shoe size 13 details of my life.
I do totally want to know you as a person and as a human being.
I sort of kind of yes I do know I think a little bit what you mean about idealization.
3
When I said the thing about "could've spent the rest of my life without you" I didn't really mean that as I have always been super-super struck by you ever since I met you.
Did I mention how beautiful you are?
And how much fun it is watching South Park with you? I love when you laugh.
More when I get home.
4
Howze things with the roomie? Wut is the weather like up there?
I (heart) G,
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
I'm glad to hear you're acheivements, no not boring.
I look forward to your emails.
Sure, I'd be ok with meeting Nick, right time and place etc.
Where are you moving to? Solo? What's your ideal place/what are you
looking for/how much?
I was going to offer to help you shop, although I'm not the best at
it. We'll make a plan, strategy etc. As long as you get started, you
know?
I was planning on coming Wednesday, for the weekend. however...
I'm rendered mostly useless until this pain stops, worst ever today!
(i don't want to complain, and i don't want to be babied, but this
hurts so much that keeping quiet will dull it's significance- wow! i
had my last 5 fillings done with no freezing. i can take pain, from my
cramps. i just had to say it really is doing a fine job of exceding my
expectations!)
so it' hard to think of life beyond today, with this ouch reminding
constantly i'm here and now.
Camera good. Very very good. You don't need much to get good shots, as
long as you know what you are doing basically. I will bring my latest
little hand me down nikon, so you can try and we can see what you need
etc. Shouldn't have to spend much. Leif has like 20 of them, totally
good ones too. maybe not 20, but i bet he'd give you one.
Heard the song, not by the stones tho.
Idealization is something i have to live with constantly. it's so
disappointing! and not rightly honest or honorable, when you break it
right the fuck down. for (example) me it bring a lack of trust, for
(example) you, it denies you trust and also misguides your heart.
thanks for the compliment. i'm barracaded in my room for the day.
nobody deserves to deal with what i would put out today! i'm so
uncomfortable. we'll leave it at that.
roommie good, he's 'seriously' considering moving to Guilan China. he
says they treated him like he was so fucken special there, it was
magical, and he could work teaching and so could i and make great
money.
my view? yes i have a new passport and can travel anywhere, as does he.
i'll wait till the glow wears off to gage the sitch better.
would i go? i'd certainly check it out.
probablility factor today of 27%
weather? i don't know, it's painy with scattered cramps here. it's
fucken gonna be bluddy out soon. i'm no weather lady. i just work
here.
i want to scream or get mad at something or someone kick
something..i'm confused cuz i should be mad or i don't know. but i'm
not inspired. so i'll go lay down.
later
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
btw re: lmr (little miss right)
don't search and bombard me with anything
growing something takes time
and all that jazz
and don't NOT let me know
ie let me know if you do have anything
re story, queries, but i'm in the very early stages
and don't want to be overwhelmed or weirded out
i do know that these things take more than me as well
FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKINNG RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRHHH
I'M IN PAIN. my face broke out majorly. i'm so bloated in can only
wear 1 type of pants
my skin hurts and just fffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
gotta go figure something out.
peace
out
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
I'd like to inspire you
somehow I feel what I feel to be inspiration
might bump into what sounds like excruciating pain
youch
as an aside from what sounds truly difficile (read "if men could menstruate" by gloria steinem. her thoughts on sex are ill-conceived--in my view--but that essay is good)
some other thought frames of reference:
--if you want a bunkmate in Gulian let me know
sounds like you'd rather be solo
(more on this in a moment)
--I plan to move into a place by myself similiar to what I had before in Burnaby--far from the DTES--near lots of trees
one bedroom with a deck/view/dishwasher--last place had a (small) pool which was good for the summer as well as
underground parkingand weight room...near a good grocery store with really pleasant walks just outside the door...
--Back to solo. I have had strange dreams (and waking visions) of you as a Miyazaki type princess/heroine (few of which I think, to his credit, are total idealizations) with numerous suitors who are flying by you in various forms of physical appearance(s), and other forms of communique (e-mail and all that).
a multi-hued hat of pastels and pixels and all manner of clouds are moving in a myriad of different directions....I have no idea what you are thinking in all this....but the suitors all are wearing outfits of various colours...their countenances register spectrums of attributes, values and down-falls
--My own soul walks amongst them. I guess I feel I have some things to offer you....beyond the ideal---but maybe in some ideal ways too...but really knowing is probably a good idea b4 knowing the real
As (Martin) Heidegger commented, "Being preceeds essence."
As my friend Aaron said, (whom you met) "Being happens."
2
Camera buying would be good. I think I'd prefer to buy a new camera just because I don't really want the crystal energy to be on the camera...altho I know Leif is all-good and all in the way things are and are....but new would be preferable--Plus, I can always return it if it didn't work properly.
BTW, did you know that Howl's Moving Castle is based on novel by Diana Wynne Jones? Have you ever read her work?
I read The World According to Garp by John Irving and liked it a lot. I also liked The Hotel New Hampshire.
It is no idealization to say that you are the only person I have ever met (including many a Ph.D. and Ph.D. student) who even knows the name "Irving".
23
My Aunts keep askin' how you are doing. They think you are the bees' knees. I haven't mentioned anything about the visit to them--as per your request--I just say "Fine. I think."
The building is leaking from several different places. Strange...y Aunts are women who don't get periods--although the estrogen they take stimulates that emotion bio-chemical response.....and the building is leaking. Your blood is moving. My own pulsates when I write to you or read your words.
More too say....I see there is a me-sage from you..
Going to read it and re-read your poem and listen to the rain fall...it sounded delightful lying next to you.
Greg
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
Thanks for the advice. Hope you not feelin' bombardiered.
pax, outre
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
really gregory, you would be the first to know if i was!
and...
get ready for this...
what does that have to do with anything?
what am i trying to say...
you fret extra over these things
i will let you know if you have gone overboard, and i hope you would do
the same for me in any respect.
umm
what am i trying to say....
oh yeah, nosy me, recommnends that you spend that energy
(the fretting, the idealizing) on (at first till you get used to it)
shutting those lost feelings of little fear down
then once you've got that handled,
spend that nrg finetuning you for you.
i want to be eloquent
i want to be elaphant
i want to be element
heated with hot knives
blather
i want to be eloquent and not picking you apart
you are great the way you are
but i see that you would have a much more fulfilling life
if you (as you are) paying attentnion to you.
takes time to establish the habit
and then time to realize the fx it has on you.
and then,
you will be aware of a few essential things in your life
that need fine tuning
how do i say this
umm
this is my opionion,
not fact,
although i'm pretty intuitive and smart especially when i has nothing
to do with me.
so that being said
once you start the fine tuning (second stage)
and it becomes part of your life,
you will find a new love in your life.
it will be YOU.
and you feed that love
gradually
and well adjusted greg will be one hell of a light being
and just you wait and see what will come your way.
i don't know, but when you eliminate fear based thinking
and start actively loving yourself
things start getting good.
now i say this because i recognize the need in you for this
since i am experiencing it myself first hand.
what do i have to gain from this?
nothing it's all for you, i'm not trying to meddle
i genuinely think your life
will become sunny
er
and i do benefit,
cuz there's you as my friend
someone who actually listens to me.
******************
now once again,
our letters might over elate you
since i'm really liking this exchange
i don't have any other oulte like this.
and you've always kept me at arms length
so now we're becoming friends
which can be dizzying
where i'm involved
so please, as i will too do, go at this with proper intention
be aware of indulgent distractions overly distracting you
and let's build a solid friend foundation.
i feel so incommunicado today
;dosfigh;dflkgjs;dflgtjsd;flgkjfds;kljh;xdflhijae[pr'yujgh
so nutshell be aware this could lead you 'astray' (? ashtray? ask trey?)
resulting in not as good feelings.
for me, for our friendship, for you, try to be diligent with friendship building
ya
boa;sdlkgsdf;hlkshj;'arpeoai
e]dzsfX';b l,at
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
Greganouris
Gregory Placonouris <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to me
re: distance. You were always with Clark. maybe still are maybe. I dunno nuthin'.
This is my last message to you for a few hours as my head is swimming in you....as Rousseau writes, "reveries of the solitary walker". You'd like this text.
I can't/can stop thinking about you.
2
That said, I cannot this express enough. Your web-site is so incredible. I have read countless poems. Your words. literally, blow me away.I am stunned into at once oblique silence and then peaks and valleys of what I imagine to be your experiences...
The art; When I started taking acid/was working at an antaquarian bookstore at age 15 this is the art that I wanted to see...
...landslides up and down the age I am now this is the Art that I think is amazing. Academically, as such, I reminded of Jean-Michel Basquait, Andy Warhol, Roy Lichenstein, Hans Belmar, Ernst Fuchs, H..R. Geiger, Georgia O'Keefe, Brassai, Penny Arcade and so many more.
--the theoretical frameworks of Susan Sontag (On Photography), Roland Barthes (Roland Barthes on Roland Barthes), Jacques Derrida ("Structure, Sign and Play in the Human Discourses") and Homi K. Babha ("Signs Taken As Wonders") come to mind...
3
Moire-pattern amazingly your site reveals so much of yourself--your personality is utterly hypnotic and compelling...the represenations possess such great authenticity--and phantastic execution...I think I have always told you highly I value you your art...I am now in a state where my presence might help less than hurt...
your site: through this new communication revolution (the Internet--the cybernetic evolutionary meme-move from the Gutenberg Printing press--Indra's electronic net at once everywhere and nowhere....microtesimally finite and at the same time/space flux totally infinite)...
your site is like radiance emanating from your personality. wonderous. exploring it is like exploring your story. I long to hear all or as much as you wish to share....
4
The photogs of Robert and Matt (and maself) rock.
The boot in your photobucket collection is so fuckin' hot.
(Jolly) Roger and out,
Greg
P.S.--My student changed hours so I'm working 7-9 this evening. So it goes.
fast molly <[email protected]>
2/14/11
to Gregory
i've feared putting myself out there
feared exposure
feared showing how much i like to sparkle darkly
feared judgement
and now
i'm sharing
the reality that is my life.
it's (the site) still under construction
i put a fair bit of work into yesterday
updating formats and streamlining things.
(gotta fix spelling mistake in poem number 1...)
i really appreciate you reading and responding
you should do a weebly site for yourself, your writing,
your soon to be phoots, it's easy i can help you.
ttyl
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